New Best Opener

This guy is almost up there with Ellen Degeneres's Queef. Pretty damn good. 



I deeply regret that it is my unfortunate duty to bring it to your 
attention that you are above and beyond our maximum standards for 
looks. You are clearly a 9/10 and here on ok cupid we only 
allow 6/10 maximum. 

Your account will be CLOSED unless you reply to this message with 
your name, phone number, your favorite flower, how many Cheetos you 
can fit in your mouth at once (just curious) and if you prefer 
Chinese or Italian cuisine. This is very serious business and I 
would advise you not to take my message lightly or you might anger 
my boss Poseidon, the lord of the seas. 

Cheers 

What the hell: Pickup lines.

So...what's the weirdest online dating pickup line you've ever received?

They left a bad taste in my mouth...

Here are my top 10:

10. Okay, so listen, I've gotta ask -- are you really as ticklish as you look?

9. Okay, so I just went crazy over your profile! Well... Not like straight jacket crazy or creepy guy in a van crazy but like a totally chill crazy. Your taste in movies has to be the best and... Yup. Probably safe to assume that about most everything else that may not be listed here. I think you should message me back! For funsplosions.

8. Me and my friend wanna help you out. We're not gay, were straight just horny enough to share a girl or take turns, aint gay if balls dont touch ;P

7. Damn. I don't know how you feel about it, but I'm looking for a cool ass chick to hang out with and be sexual with on occasion...I'm commonly addressed as "Math," and I'd like to add someone to my life, subtract drama, and multiply our time together by infinity.

6. I bet if we chatted there would be a recursive, cute quip overload as the quips kept piling on, back and forth, until the entire internet was sunken as if it hit an iceberg. Because you know what they say, cute quips sink ships.

5. So when you say casual sex, how much do you charge?

4. i saw something today that reminded me of you; i went to text you about it and realized i dint have your number yet.. so send it to me, i promise ill only call you 100-150 times a day to ask you "watchuu thinking abooouuutt?" 

3. Someone should preemptively attack your eyes so they won't be able to hurt anyone in the future.

2. You don't seem like my ex at all.

AND NUMBER ONE MY OVERALL FAVORITE THING I'VE EVER RECEIVED:

1. Would climb mt everest and shit with nothing but a loin cloth for clothing and ellen degeneres' queef for an air supply just to get a chance at holding the door for you without you even noticing.

DING! DING! DING! Ladies and gentleman we have a winner. 

Seriously, send me your weirdest pickup lines and you may make the next list.