Love is out there

So, just an update as to why I stopped posting. The guy I met and thought it was going to work. It did. I got married November 1st, and we are very happy. 

So, just a message to those who still are struggling through the muck of dick pics and dumbasses...there are still some good ones left. 

Luck and love to you all. 

Marlissa Doss Cunningham

So this may lag...

I sort of found a man. And I sorta like him. So...this blog may cease to exist. Or...I may just pull up old stories from the treasure troves of my love life. But, I'm happy, so...that's more important than bringing the horrors of online dating to the masses. And should anything go wrong, I promise, I shall return to you.

But, I will tell you he's amazing to me. We met on OKCupid. And...i'm really hopeful for a positive future with him.

I leave you with this parting profile of what not to put your profession as:

Can't Take the Hint...

What is wrong with people? No, i'm sorry, I DON'T want to date someone who is 30, divorced twice, live at home with HIS PARENTS in South GA (4 hours away), has no degree, and despite all your arguing to the contrary is a "good ol' boy" from freaking Moultrie. No. There's nothing appealing about any of that. And I don't have to justify to you after talking to you a day and a half why I don't want to marry you. It doesn't make me "immature" it makes me freaking sane. 

I only started talking to this guy two days ago. He'd sent me a very nice little "hey I know I live in Moultrie, but I promise I'll be worth your time" message. And I was intrigued because Moultrie isn't too far from where I grew up. I got my Floral Design Certification from "Moultrie Technical College" just on my high school's campus. 

So he was a very sweet guy, and I think he did genuinely want someone. However, he's four hours away, which made me a little 'meh' going into it. And then as the story continued to unfold the more and more I thought "nope."

List of DONT's

- Is long distance (more than an hour away)
- Lives at home with parents.
- Has been divorced....twice....
- Has no college degree.
- Limited funds. (said he didn't have the money to pay the $300s for safety glasses for work. And that if he were to come see me he wouldn't have any money after gas left over for us to do anything. Which, is fine, but....in the long term if you want to move to Atlanta, which he said he did, that would take FOREVER while trying to maintain a long distance relationship).
- Ready to start a relationship without ever meeting me.
- Already acting like I "belonged" to him. / He "owned" me.
- Self-professed mental and emotional stability issues (we all have them to some extent, but I have my own. I don't need to pile someone else's on them).
- Very "country" (terrible drawl, likes huntin', fishin', muddin')

Things I normally require he didn't meet:

- Nerdy / geeky
- Financial stability
- A plan for the future
- Independence
- Near me (within 60 miles)
- College degree or successful career


So when I realized it wasn't going to work instead of making a HUGE deal out of it, I quietly slipped away. I removed him from my friend list and hoped he would be happy with the memories of the last two days where he basically professed his undying love for me.  

Moultrie: (after 3 texts this morning before 10 am)

Okay so what did I do wrong? You're not talking to me and on top of that you deleted me from FB. You said you don't give up. Well just tell me the truth. By the way, I can tell you're reading the texts. 

Me: (about noon)

I know that. I just don't want to waste your time or mine. I dunno. Two divorces and long distance and living with your parents is all sort of daunting. 

Moultrie: (immediate response)

So you're not willing to put in the time or effort I suppose. You're doing what you said you wouldn't. You're giving up on me before it even gets started. Why so judgmental? Things happen to everyone. It's not like I chose to be where I am. You yourself said you don't have a problem with the long distance and neither do I. So it's not a waste of time. What is a waste of time? Throwing away a great guy like myself, who all he wants is someone he can treat like his princess and love with all of his heart body and soul...I really like you Marli..I just wish you'd give me a legit chance before judging and giving up on me so easily...

So that's it. No response? You're done? 

(5 mins later)

Marli please? I'm literally begging you to please give me the benefit of the doubt. 

(5 mins later)

This is some bullshit. 

(5 hours later)

I'm gonna warn people about Marlissa Doss. Just so you're aware. 

Me: (when I woke up four hours later)

Who the fuck are you going to "warn"? And about what? That I don't want a long distance relationship? That I have the right and the prerogative to change my mind? That I talked to someone for a few days and then thought they weren't right for me? I don't doubt you're a nice guy, but there are too many things in the no column for me to want to try and make this work. I never wanted long distance. And I said I didn't but that you said I should give you a shot. And I did. And I just don't see you as someone I want a future with. Not because of ONE thing. But because of a whole lot of things that kept adding up. And you know what? I wasn't dating you. I'd never met you. I was in no way OBLIGATED to you. So I don't know why the fuck you don't just move on and try and find someone more well suited to you. 

Moultrie: (immediate response)

Haha what the fuck ever. I don't care. You're wishy washy. I know what you said and didn't say. It's cool though. Whatever. Just shows your level of immaturity. I never once asked you to come here. I would have been more than happy to drive there on my weekends off. 

Me:

Well I don't REALLY care what you think about me. I said I don't give up IN RELATIONSHIPS. And we were not even remotely close to that. You don't REALLY have the means to carry on a long distance relationship where you are the sole driver, at least not if you ever want to get out of your parents house, and that was yet another contributing factor. And it was just easier to leave you with a little happy and fantasy than to flat out say that you weren't going to work. Because I figured you would react this way if I did. But I thought you'd take the hint if I defriended you. And just enjoy the few days of pretend. 

Moultrie:

Haha. Pretend huh? I have more than enough means to carry on whatever it is I want. No matter who or where I live. That's fine. I am not obligated to tell you all of my financial information when I have yet to even meet you. It's cool. I would have maybe had a tough time making it this weekend, but I have more than enough means to make it there anytime I want on a normal occasion. I live at home really, because I choose too. It's the easiest way for me to build up more income and to be financially stable at the moment. But, it's cool. It's whatever. The main reason I'm married and divorced twice? They couldn't stand I was and am a tightwad with my money. But, whatever...I ain't got NO worries. On to the next one...

(No response from me. 2 minutes later)

Why waste my time on someone who's not even willing to try? Who gives up before it even begins? Not worth my time or anyone else's. 

And so on facebook I had posted:

What is wrong with people? No, i'm sorry, I DON'T want to date someone who is 30, divorced twice, lives at home with HIS PARENTS in South GA (4 hours away), has no degree, and despite all your arguing to the contrary is a "good ol' boy" from freaking Moultrie. No. There's nothing appealing about any of that. And I don't have to justify to you after talking to you a day and a half why I don't want to marry you. 

Moultrie: (about 5 minutes after I'd posted it)

The fact that you're talking about me on Facebook is childish. Grow up. 

Me:

The fact that you're still stalking me on facebook is creepy

Moultrie:

I'm not stalking you. 

I haven't bad mouthed you to anyone, so I'd appreciate if you'd refrain from bad mouthing me. Especially on Facebook. That shows your true level of immaturity. 

Me:

So says the person that said "I'm going to warn the world about you". And nobody who knows or cares about your existence is friends with me. What I say to my friends on my facebook is my own damn business.

Moultrie:

Okay. That's fine. I said that in anger. [five hours after I'd gotten upset at your]

Have I fucking done it..no I haven't. [I'm not your friend. How would i know?]

Just don't fucking talk about me and slander me and there won't be an issue. I'm done. I'll never text you again. Unless you give me reason to.

Me:

Thank God

Moultrie:

The feeling is mutual. 

Who wants to take bets on which end of the bipolar spectrum he's going to text me next? And how long it takes before he "never texts me again"? Are we thinking pissed off redneck or sad pouty redneck or no ones ever going to love me but you redneck?

Sexual Assault isn't funny

So, I'd like to take this moment to go down a notch on a serious note. Someone brought to my attention that I was a bitch and oversensitive when it came to the amount of information I require from someone before meeting them because of my Persistent or Pushy? post.

In it I gloss over the fact that how can I know if you're a mass murderer or rapist if I don't even know your full name and have the ability to google you before a date (let along at least know a little bit about at least what you project when speaking). I used to be much more frivolous in the old days of dating. Back when I was still at Lagrange, was vulnerable after feeling like I was worthless thanks to losing my galbladder, gaining weight, losing friends I was close to, and my teachers losing faith in my abilities. It was a tough place, and I went looking for love to fill the void.

I joined Match.com in October of 2008 in attempt to meet boys who were not on my campus and therefore didn't know things like .... I'd made a fool of myself one night and fallen for this guy who in his drunken state was all about me, but in the light of day thought it was a mistake. Now, I'm still a virgin at this point so we just kiss and cuddle, but....I followed him around like a puppy for weeks after that. So...I was embarrassed. Or who didn't think my sorority big sis and I were having a lesbian love affair. Or weren't colored by other 'college experience' events like my first time getting drunk, or making out with members of both genders (and both sexual preferences in both genders) on a school trip. I wanted something that wasn't tainted by my galbladder being gone and me losing faith in myself because I was so sick (and my teachers doing the same). I wanted something else.

So in my oh so desperate attempt at trying to find something to love and love me (because I couldn't love myself) I talked to a lot of guys on match.com. I thought "if they pay for a dating site they've gotta be quality people." And some of them were. But one night after coming back to Lagrange a certain gentleman whose name I don't even remember asked to get to meet me after texting for a few days. I was so excited because he was older than me, stable, worked for cnn, and he said he might could even help me with my career. I thought well, at least even if we don't hit it off in a love sort of way maybe he can do things for me career wise. It seemed like a perfect thing.

So I offered to meet him at a coffee shop in town, but he said since I'd been traveling and was almost back that he'd just come to me instead of me driving farther and having to wait. Plus, it was getting late, and he wanted us to be able to hang out for a while. Mistake 1. He SAID he was being a gentleman, so I ASSUMED he was being a gentleman. How sweet! I thought. He cares enough about me being tired to come to me. So when he showed up there wasn't much going on around campus so we just walked around and talked. It seemed safe and innocent enough. He seemed like a good guy. And when we were tired of walking and talking he asked if he could see what my room looked like. Sure! I thought. Mistake 2. Don't take someone to your room you've just met. No matter how nice they seem.

So we walked through the apartment suites up to my own, and walked past Sharon and Lindley, my suitemates, and two other people that I couldn't even begin to tell you who they were. Waved, smiled, and disappeared into my room. Little did I know the fact that my suitemates were in the livingroom working on some sort of class project probably saved me from being raped. He sat down on my bed, and I proceeded to start to pull out things like my scrapbook of my signs from Freshman year, share with him my sorority which he'd already taken an interest in. Because he'd taken such an interest I put on a letter shirt for him before he got there because he talked about how interesting sororities were and how cool it was I really felt that sistership. And as we looked over my scrapbook he kissed me. It wasn't like a sweet first kiss. It was a KISS. It was rough. And I pushed him off. I went back to looking at my scrapbook, now less interested in sharing it, and more interested in distracting myself. It didn't feel right. It felt....really wrong actually. So I went to get up to put the scrapbook away, and he put his hand in my lap and held me down. I was 5'7 140 lbs, and he was probably 6'2 and muscular. And he looked at me like I wasn't human and said "tonight is going to be a very special night for you." I'll never forget that he said that. I'd told him I was a virgin. And I'd flirted and said how much I wanted to find the right person and finally be able to give away the v card. But I had said the right person. And I certainly hadn't said to a person I'd never met. And it was like the words and the look just froze me. And with one hand still on my lap holding my legs down the other went up my skirt and in between my legs. Fingers...up inside me...for the first time.

I said "stop." I know I said stop. I was frozen and scared but I KNOW I said stop. He didn't. I pushed him off me, and I stood up, dropping the book on the floor. He grabbed me from behind around my waist and tried to pull me back into his lap. I flipped around and looked him in the eyes, and with what little courage I had left I said, "you saw my roommates were in the living room. If you don't stop I will scream." And he let me go. I stood across the room from him, leaning against my desk, heart racing, wanting to throw up, and finally I said, "you should go."

I had to walk him out of the building. Which I did. And he had the nerve to say "if you change your mind, baby, call me." And I said "I won't" before shutting the door. I ran back upstairs, put on sweat pants and a baggy t-shirt, grabbed my phone (I'd left my wall charger at home accidentally, but I had a car charger still), drove to Krystal, Ordered three of them I never ate, called a friend, Kris, and cried on the phone recounting the entire tale. I cried for four hours on that phone.

The next day I went to class like nothing has happened. Then a phone buzzed, and I looked down to make sure it wasn't mine, that mine wasn't the culprit, Tomsheck already hated me. And I did have a message from Kris checking on me. And while Tomsheck's back was turned I tried to answer it as best I could because I knew he was worried about me. But I got caught, and got called in for a special meeting with him later that day. I'd written this long note about making up classwork for being sick and that I really did care and wanted to do well. And he told me that I had disrespected him beyond belief and there was nothing I could do to prove to him I cared. That he thought I was pretty much just skating by, and if it were up to him, I wouldn't be in the department anymore. That I was lazy. I didn't come to class. I made excuses. And then I had the audacity to answer a text in class. I just sat there and stared at him. How do you tell your male teacher who hates you that you were sexually assaulted the night before and your friend was making sure you hadn't committed suicide? So, I didn't. I said, I'm sorry. I didn't even cry. I don't know how I didn't cry. I cry for no reason. I got up. I walked out. And I cried.

I didn't press charges. It was his word against mine. I didn't even have his last name. I had a first name, a phone number, his okcupid profile, and his word that he worked at CNN. I reported him to okcupid to let them know he was a sexual predator and close his account. I don't know if they did or not. I knew it would be my word against his, and I knew since he didn't actually rape me that there wouldn't be any evidence. I knew they'd use those flirty texts and pics of my cleavage as collateral against me. And I knew that most likely he'd never get so much as a slap on the wrist. So I tried to forget.

When I was on okcupid before I met Andy, not this time around, I was looking through my quick matches and a face and eyes I can't forget popped up. I wanted to throw up when I saw him. I immediately reported him to okcupid as well letting them know what he'd done to me years earlier from match.com. Again, I have no idea if they did anything. And I've wondered dozens of times if my not coming forward allowed him to do it to some other girl. I hope not. I hope they were brighter than me. Stronger than me. But when someone demands something from me or wants me to meet them without any information I'm cautious. I should've been cautious all along. But once it happens you tend to be more aware.

I hope me sharing helps someone.
Girls, be smart. Don't let men make you believe you should do this or owe them anything. You don't.

Napoleon Junior

So through online dating I've discovered it doesn't have to be your physical stature that gives you a napoleon complex. In fact, many men with the height have it because they are disproportionate. You'd think a man standing 6'6 would be sporting a giant sausage, but no...alas, I've discovered that's not really the case. Out of the people I've dated in the past year (or just had pics sent to me of their glorious phallus) the men ranging 6'3-6'6 had average to below average sized penises while men 5'8-6'1 had well over average sized penises. A few of them extremely large and well-shaped. [Leave me alone. I think penises are pretty].

I'll go ahead and tell my patent story about how I know i'm a heterosexual female before getting into the mini napoleon complex. So, I think when God was making the world he decided since man was going to be in His image he wanted him to have something glorious that was so large and beautiful and powerful that it would make him stand out from everything else. So he took hours to craft and mold the most beautiful penis that the world had ever or would ever see (though many years later there are still glimmers of this because the penis was designed to be an awesome sight. You were supposed to be struck with awe). And when He was done and sat back and sat "it is good" he thought "damn...now they need something to put it in." So, he created woman, gave her a hole, threw some skin on top and said "meh, good enough."

This is how I know i'm a heterosexual female. Penises are beautiful, and vaginas are ugly. You can't convince me otherwise. However, not all penises are created equal.

So when Mr. Mexican Machismo sent me the pic of his dick I said (because I couldn't think of anything better to say) "it's nice. not the biggest i've seen but it's nice." Ok, so no, I shouldn't have included the 'not the biggest' but he'd already pissed me off by being one of the two people I'd shown my pole dancing video to and make absolutely no response WHATSOEVER. But he was all about how much he wanted to come over here and do naughty things to me. Until the next day, when we were supposed to be meeting for coffee, and I never heard anything from him...

So i'm a whore because I said i'd seen bigger, but he's not even though he was bragging about having been with people since he was 15 and that he had multiple threesomes. That he'd had all of the sexual adventures he could ever dream of...but...me saying I wanted him to find me sexy by sending him a video of me (a beginner) playing around on my pole for the first real time and then not quaking in my boots and begging for his tiny penis makes me a whore? Ok then. Have fun being alone with your pride.

Again, men, you wonder why women think you're all evil dicks. You can thank the evil dicks with small dicks for that.

Pushy or Persistent? (WTF Friday!)

It's a WTF Friday!

Hi out there dating world. So, I hope you're all having a much better time at this than I am. But hey, gotta laugh, or you'd bury your head in a hole and wish for death. Also, special shout out to a lovely lady I met today who is also going through the same excruciating process, and my heart is truly with her. May the date with the accountant suck less than you expected.

But lately I've discovered the "hard part" has shifted from not finding anyone to talk to / weeding through messages TO you've done the initial weed out and it's the texting before the first meeting. I've found several times that this portion has gone so poorly that the first meeting (though scheduled) gets cancelled prior to occurring. To circumvent that I've tried to push my meeting as close to our first conversation as I can, but this guy takes that idea to a whole new level.

I think he's pushy and creepy. He insists he's just persistent. Opinions? I welcome them. I still don't think i'm going out with him because he's just got that weird vibe and can't have a civil conversation. But hey, convince me!

Below are actual text conversations with personal information as well as unrelated anecdotes all removed. However, nothing has been edited otherwise.

I don't know where this went but I said "Can we make it Saturday maybe? I don't want to drive because I took a pain pill today...

New Best Opener

This guy is almost up there with Ellen Degeneres's Queef. Pretty damn good. 



I deeply regret that it is my unfortunate duty to bring it to your 
attention that you are above and beyond our maximum standards for 
looks. You are clearly a 9/10 and here on ok cupid we only 
allow 6/10 maximum. 

Your account will be CLOSED unless you reply to this message with 
your name, phone number, your favorite flower, how many Cheetos you 
can fit in your mouth at once (just curious) and if you prefer 
Chinese or Italian cuisine. This is very serious business and I 
would advise you not to take my message lightly or you might anger 
my boss Poseidon, the lord of the seas. 

Cheers