Napoleon Junior

So through online dating I've discovered it doesn't have to be your physical stature that gives you a napoleon complex. In fact, many men with the height have it because they are disproportionate. You'd think a man standing 6'6 would be sporting a giant sausage, but no...alas, I've discovered that's not really the case. Out of the people I've dated in the past year (or just had pics sent to me of their glorious phallus) the men ranging 6'3-6'6 had average to below average sized penises while men 5'8-6'1 had well over average sized penises. A few of them extremely large and well-shaped. [Leave me alone. I think penises are pretty].

I'll go ahead and tell my patent story about how I know i'm a heterosexual female before getting into the mini napoleon complex. So, I think when God was making the world he decided since man was going to be in His image he wanted him to have something glorious that was so large and beautiful and powerful that it would make him stand out from everything else. So he took hours to craft and mold the most beautiful penis that the world had ever or would ever see (though many years later there are still glimmers of this because the penis was designed to be an awesome sight. You were supposed to be struck with awe). And when He was done and sat back and sat "it is good" he thought "damn...now they need something to put it in." So, he created woman, gave her a hole, threw some skin on top and said "meh, good enough."

This is how I know i'm a heterosexual female. Penises are beautiful, and vaginas are ugly. You can't convince me otherwise. However, not all penises are created equal.

So when Mr. Mexican Machismo sent me the pic of his dick I said (because I couldn't think of anything better to say) "it's nice. not the biggest i've seen but it's nice." Ok, so no, I shouldn't have included the 'not the biggest' but he'd already pissed me off by being one of the two people I'd shown my pole dancing video to and make absolutely no response WHATSOEVER. But he was all about how much he wanted to come over here and do naughty things to me. Until the next day, when we were supposed to be meeting for coffee, and I never heard anything from him...

So i'm a whore because I said i'd seen bigger, but he's not even though he was bragging about having been with people since he was 15 and that he had multiple threesomes. That he'd had all of the sexual adventures he could ever dream of...but...me saying I wanted him to find me sexy by sending him a video of me (a beginner) playing around on my pole for the first real time and then not quaking in my boots and begging for his tiny penis makes me a whore? Ok then. Have fun being alone with your pride.

Again, men, you wonder why women think you're all evil dicks. You can thank the evil dicks with small dicks for that.