Introducing the real me, the "character," and the douches who came before

So... to begin with this explanation I'm going to have to first let you know how it works.

I have dating profiles that I've used over the past four years in eHarmony, Match.com, Okcupid, Plenty of Fish, and Geek2Geek.

In an average day I get 5-15 messages...if i'm lucky.

There was a time in my life when I would've thought this was pure fiction:

Until I went through an ex's email after he broke up with me and realized he'd been screwing me, waiting til I went to sleep, and then talking to other girls on dating sites. Yeah...this picture was apparently my life for three months. So there's a lesson in all of this:

"Don't be a dick" - Wil Wheaton

Begin at the Beginning

So as someone who has been on and off of dating sites for the better part of four years I thought I would offer my insight into the incredibly stupid things people are doing. And how YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG. Basically, it's my chance to snark about people's profiles, pictures, and correspondences without anyone getting angry at me. Or, if they do, I don't care.

So be prepared! Let the snarking Begin!


For post one, We'll start with someone who's doing it right:

Introduction, way to get more info, honesty, compliment, question. Great way to start a conversation! Names have been removed to protect the person who's actually good at this.

This....is not how you do it:

I am not buying a used washing machine. I'm looking for a relationship. Listing off your qualifications and started with "clean, no drugs or diseases" just doesn't put the "I'd love to meet you" vibe into my heart.

Finally, the least effective way possible:

I don't want anything from you but your body. You know nothing about me, and I will not come to you. This will only last for three days tops. Please come to my house where I might be a serial killer... Umm...no thanks....