Duck Lips

Ok, so every boy in the world complains about "why do girls make duck lips in pictures?" 

I will lead by example:

Me and Bestie in High School doin' the duck lips. Before they were called that. 

But I had to ask myself as I scanned page after page of dating site pictures...

How do men get off saying girls shouldn't do it when THEY DO IT TOO!?!?!

Oh don't mind me. I'm just promoting peace, beer, and duck lips for all. I'm a total catch.

I'm a really fantastic kisser. Can't you tell by the way I scrunch up my abnormally large bottom lip?

Oooh girl. You know you want some of these duck lips. Nothing like chocolate duck.

I'm punny. See? I made a reference to the duck lips with...my rubber duckies...

[please ignore that one of the duckies is Satan. And no, don't ask why I have it]

MAYBE IF I MASSIVELY OVERDO THE DUCK LIPS THE GIRLS WILLS LIKES ME, YES?

Large, in charge, and duck-lipped, *Koolaid Man Voice* OH YEAH!

And last but not least....the king of duck lip pictures!

Heeeey girl. Just takin a picture of myself from above with my hand down my pants. You like that, huh? You like those joe boxer boxers briefs...you know you do girl. You wishin' you was down those use your duck lips. Am I right? I know I am girl, cause i'm good that way. You come getchu some of this sexy.

*roll credits "I'm Sexy and I Know It"*

And that...ladies and gentleman...is what we call self-exploitation.

No double standards for me. Equal fun-making for all duck lips.

And if you make your pictures slightly pornographic I may just give you a paragraph that sounds that way....because....you asked for it..